All A-bored the Rattle Express!!!

WARNING: This post is likely to contain a fair dollop of what can best be described as First World Problems.  If that is likely to annoy you, feel free to Look Away Now.

And so… on to the second part of our SE Asia anniversary extravaganza – 3 nights, 4 days on the incredible Eastern and Oriental Express!   First things first – this train is undeniably GORGEOUS.  From the striking exterior in cream and green, to the beautifully decorated interiors, stuffed with luxe-y fabrics, silks, velvets and wood, this train is an absolute feast for the eyes.  https://www.belmond.com/trains/asia/eastern-and-oriental-express/about  We had signed up for the Wild Malaysia trip quite a while ago and the itinerary was to take us into the heart of the jungle, visiting the Taman Negara national park.  In a fortuitous development, a couple of months ago, I got a notification that our trip was now a foodie-themed one, featuring two SE Asian Michelin starred chefs who would take us on a “Tastes of Tomorrow” culinary adventure!   Now, I’m sure the food would have been pretty decent already, but to have a couple of rockstar chefs in the kitchen for the duration of our journey?  Winner!!  (I did look them up and wasn’t familiar with either of them – but they certainly had incredible backgrounds, so they were the Real Deal.  There was also a film crew onboard to film them and do interviews with the chefs, so we had to sign a release form JIC we popped up in any of their footage).

Anyway, our voyage aboard the EOE started with the pick-up from our hotel, the Mandarin Oriental at 1.45pm.  We were able to hang out in our room until it was time to leave, which was nice – especially as we are still working through the jetlag and not sleeping fully yet.  As you might expect, the process of picking us up and transferring us onto the train was very streamlined and well-executed, with lots of little touches that showed we’d be in for a Lovely Time.  First one was some snacks and drinks in the back of the limo car – beautifully presented in a hand-painted tiffin tin (and yes, I ended up purchasing one from the onboard store a couple days later!).  It took about 35 mins to drive to the Woodlands train station from our hotel where we were met by a phalanx of elegantly dressed E&O crew, including Tini, our compartment attendant.  She gave us our cabin assignment – twin state room C1 and led us to our digs.

Well.  As I mentioned earlier – the train is stunning.  But boy, was the room SMALL!!!  I mean seriously tiny with an insanely laughable amount of space to store your stuff in!  I was very grateful I had all my stuff already organized into packing cubes, so it was easy to simply lift them out of the case and onto one of the two overhead wire racks.  The wardrobe was only deep enough for 4 hangers and to stuff some shoes down in the bottom – and that was pretty much it, other than a weirdly deep space within a wall panel, and an ottoman, that also served as a mobile serving table.   Maybe the Royal Scotsman train was this teeny tiny, but I don’t remember it as such, so who knows.  We did have our own bathroom with loo, sink and shower – so that was good – and one of the beds was permanently in place as a couch, the other one being flipped down at night.  Fortunately, there was somewhere on board where you could store your luggage so after we’d decanted our stuff from our suitcases, Tini came and tucked them away for the duration of the journey.

https://www.belmond.com/trains/asia/eastern-and-oriental-express/accommodation

After we’d gotten settled in, it was time for our first feeding – afternoon tea at 4pm!  We’d had a bottle of champagne already chilling in our cabin, so we might have popped that open to enjoy a glass or two of bubbles while we settled in.  As hoped for, the food was outstanding.  Little bites that packed a lot of flavor!!   After tea, we wandered through the train exploring, ending up in the observation car right at the very end of the train where there was a lounge, a bar and an open air part where you could watch the world pass by.  We returned here around 7pm to watch the sunset and to enjoy some welcome cocktails before dinner, while meeting some of our fellow passengers.

And then, even though we were still pretty full from our afternoon tea, it was time to go for dinner (being full from the previous feeding while attempting to trough your way through the next was to become a recurrent issue).  There are 2 restaurant cars on the train – both serve the same menu, but they are decorated in different (equally fabulous) styles.  Re seating, sometimes it was free seating (usually breakfast) and then sometimes you were assigned a specific table in one of the 2 cars.  Half the time, we were seated on our own at a 2-top, the rest, we were at a 4-top, so got to share a meal with 2 of our fellow passengers.  The demographics of this trip weren’t quite as old as the Golden Eagle – but we were still on the younger end.  There was one young honeymooning Brazilian couple who were IMPOSSIBLY good-looking and glamorous – always stylish in designer threads, and who even smelled expensive (that’s not as creepy as it sounds – I ended up walking behind them on the way to dinner the first night, so wasn’t going out of my way to have a sniff or anything like that).  They looked as if they could be minor royalty from some European principality, but I think they were simply Old Money who worked in investment banking.  Anyway, if I was the film crew, I know who I’d be following around for my stock footage!!  Before dinner, we headed to the observation car for pre-dinner drinks and to see the sunset.  It was a bit of a hike from our cabin – we were in carriage C and the observation car was all the way at the end, after carriage G, so we only made it there a couple times (including a very brief stint at karaoke the following night).

Dinner was excellent – but jet lag (and maybe the champagne, ahem) was kicking in HARD so by the time the main course arrived, I was seriously struggling to stay awake!  (I’d woken up at 2am that morning).  So I excused myself as soon as the Jasmine ice-cream had been served and made my way back to our cabin, where our room had been transformed into its nighttime configuration.  Along with 2 bottles of water were two packets of earplugs – a hint of what to expect.

So here’s what I have learned.  It is entirely possible to be surrounded by hot and cold running luxury (exquisite pillows that cost over $500 each (I googled them), for example) – and to still be uncomfortable.  By the end of our trip, ManpanionTM remarked that it felt as if he’d been camping for the last 3 nights – and I kinda know what he means.  I don’t think it was quite as bad for me as it was for him, but the beds were awfully hard and obviously fairly narrow, so it didn’t offer the world’s most comfortable snoozing surface.  If you have slightly dicky hips, then they are going to be sore, come the morning, especially if you are a side-sleeper.

Another unfortunate FWP* – the air conditioning appeared to have already achieved full AI independence and could not give two shits about what the thermostat (and, by extension, you) was telling it to do.  If it wanted to freeze your tits off, that’s what it did.  If it wanted instead to roast you alive in the middle of the night, then nothing and no-one was going to Get In Its Way.  On the second night, I woke up at around 3am completely drenched with the banquette underneath me sodden wet.  I had a quick moment worrying that these menopausal night sweats were starting to really get out of control – and then realized that the glass of water I had unthinkingly put on top of the cushioned ottoman before I went to sleep had tipped over at some point, disgorging its contents directly into my bed.   Note to self – don’t do that.

Lastly, and perhaps most intractably of all, while our cabin and train looked gorgeous, it was noisy AF!  Basically, if it could rattle, it did.  Loudly and with enthusiasm – especially at night where it felt as if the train was speeding along super fast and on the verge of shaking itself to bits.  It was as if the maintenance team would come in each day and loosen everything for maximum wobble factor (we were half expecting to wake up each morning to find our teeth loosened in our heads).  And, while certain aesthetic elements of the cabin were visually satisfying (looking at you, ornate ceiling grate ostensibly linked to the AC), they were clearly not designed with practicality or function in mind.   It was worse in our sleeping cabin (less so in the dining or bar cars) and likely exacerbated by the quality of the tracks we were traveling along (I don’t recall it being this noisy or jerky on the Golden Eagle, for example).  And I know I could have put in the earplugs (which might have helped somewhat) but I don’t find them all that comfortable to sleep in, so I tried to grit my teeth and raw dog my way through it.

So, in the end, for all the luxury and free champagne, fancy pillows and orchid-filled vases, our time on the EOE was nice enough, but not great.   Perhaps the monotony of the Malaysian countryside also didn’t help – for most of our trip, the view from the train was one of endless palm tree forests, interspersed with the odd banana palm or two.  It was simply less interesting to look at than the Transylvanian landscape of the Golden Eagle or the glorious Scottish highlands of the Royal Scotsman.   Sorry, Malaysia!   There were two excursions during our trip where we got off the train and had a choice of activities.  The first stop was in the Taman Negara national park and we had chosen the “Wellness Experience” where we would first enjoy a guided yoga session before then venturing deeper into the park to experience “forest and sound bathing”.    It all sounded very crunchy and a bit woo woo – but we figured what the heck?  We’d never done anything quite like it before, so lets keep an open mind and try something new.

As we disembarked from the train at Merapoh station, we were met by a bunch of local schoolkids who performed various traditional dances.  The teenage boys who were banging the drums all looked suitably embarrassed and scuttled off as quickly as possible after their bit was done  – proving that teenage boys are the same the world around.   After the welcome, we all piled into open-top jeeps to take us to our respective activities (some other choices were caving and birdwatching).  We bounced around on the back of the jeep for about 15 mins before we got to the first part of the session, the chair yoga, which took place at the base of a limestone outcrop.

Chair yoga was a first for me – obviously they wanted to make sure that the yoga was able to accommodate different levels of fitness and mobility, so you were able to modify to suit your own needs.  It was an enjoyable experience and it felt good to move and stretch – especially after our first night on the hard banquettes!  It was also fun to be outside and aware of the animal and bird sounds in the surrounding forests – at one point, we could hear this loud screeching sound which apparently was the Malaysian giant black squirrel – which is as big as a cat!!  Alas, we could only hear it and didn’t see it, which was a bummer.  I’d brought my big camera Just In Case of interesting wildlife or bird sightings – and we actually saw Nothing At All.  I’d been talking with one of the train staff the day before and he’d said to me that the chance of spotting wildlife was slim to none – mainly because the forest is very dense but also because the wildlife is not that used to people and so is very shy and will scarper the moment they hear any jeep or people approaching.  It was a bit of a shame but we were there for the Gongs anyway, so it was fine.

The sound and forest bathing was awesome.  When we got there, there were 10 cots set up for us to lie down on and 2 very earnest looking young people who were to be our sound bathers.   Arrayed in front of the cots, on a big table, were a selection of gongs, singing bowls and chimes which they then proceeded to play and chant over the next 45mins, as we lay in the cots, eyes closed and focusing on the sounds.  We were told to let our bodies relax and respond to the healing waves as they needed to – apparently ManpanionTM’s body responded to the deeply therapeutic process by falling asleep.  It’s hard to describe but it was very relaxing listening to the low thrumming of the gongs and bowls, with the pitches and volumes rising and falling – all complemented by the background sounds of the forest and its assorted (yet invisible) wildlife.  Less relaxing, the murmur of human voices that I could also hear – can’t you people see we’re forest bathing here??!!   I did my best to block it out and keep my brain in full-on Zen Energy mode – but it was a bit irritating, tbh.  Ah well.

After it was finished, we had some light refreshments and admired the local endangered fish swimming about in their protected river before clambering back into the jeeps for the bouncy ride back to the train (keeping vigilant to avoid any branches that threatened to poke an eye out as we zipped along).  By the time we returned, it was lunchtime – and this time, the food was not a complete 100% success as the dessert seemed to be made mainly of ice crystals that weren’t terribly fun to eat.

After lunch, we retired to our cabin to chill out for a nap (clearly we’d been overexerting ourselves already) and before long, it was time for afternoon tea – this time, served to us in our cabin.  After another nap, it was then time for dinner – and this one we DEFINITELY struggled with!  We discovered the singular gastronomic pleasure that was “Black Chicken” which is, as described, a very rare – and highly prized – variety of Indonesian chicken that is, well, black.  Black bones, black flesh, black feathers – black everything.   We looked it up afterwards and this was clearly one of the highlights of the menu – due to its rarity, it is extremely expensive.  Perhaps not surprising, then, to be featured on the menu curated by Michelin-starred chefs.  I have to say – it was Not Good.  It was rubbery and difficult to eat.  Plus – COME ON!  Who wants to eat black food??  It was just odd and not our cup of tea at all.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayam_Cemani

Following the Goth Chicken, the next course was an abalone (sea snail) curry – another bold and very chef-fy choice.  Abalone is another very expensive ingredient –https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abalone but – fortunately for me – I had stated a preference of “no shellfish” in my dietary profile, so I got a pork noodle dish instead of snailapalooza.  ManpanionTM, however, had not – so he gamely gave it a go – he described it as “meaty, dense Jello” – um…yum?  Our struggles with the black chicken had tuckered both of us out, so we excused ourselves from the last course (a violet pannacotta) and headed back to crash out in our sweatbox of a cabin.

The next day saw us exploring the old colonial town of Georgetown, located on Penang Island.  We parked up at Butterworth station, then took a short walk to the Ferry terminal for our 15min crossing to the island.  We’d had a choice of activities – we decided on the “create your own adventure” option with a private trishaw driver and map (vs an art tour or cooking class).   Over the course of the next 3hrs, our trishaw drivers (we had one each) took us round the sights, sounds and smells of Georgetown, where we could discover all the various cultural and historical influences on this UNESCO city.

We saw a variety of temples of various religious flavors (ManpanionTM particularly liked the one that seemed to have a disproportionate number of well-endowed lady gods).  We explored the narrow alleys and streets of Little India (populated by a proliferation of jewelry stores selling chunky gold necklaces) and of the street art district, where Banksy-like wall paintings and graffiti decorated the buildings.  We were taken to the obligatory market centers to shop for souvenirs – including one that was built onto a pier.  Here we got to enjoy ALL the smells – not just of the water underneath all the stalls/huts (brown, chunky, slightly fizzy) but mixed in with the very distinctive aroma of the durian fruit.  Its a bit like the Marmite of the fruit world – you either love it or you think it smells and tastes of vomit.  While neither ManpanionTM nor I actually tasted it, just going by the smell alone, we definitely fell into the latter camp.

We were also shown several monuments (just exactly how do you pose next to a statue celebrating “Our Glorious Dead”?) as well as some imposing, slightly crumbly, big old white buildings from the colonial era.  Our trishaw driver boldly proclaimed that “these are the most beautiful colonial buildings in all of SE Asia” – but we would politely beg to disagree.  While Georgetown was nice enough to visit (it had a curiously large number of pastry and coffee shops), it certainly wasn’t charming or interesting enough to really leave that much of an impression.  It was fun to tour it via the trishaw (as long as you didn’t mind being right in the throes of all the traffic) – but I definitely got the sense we were taken round a very rote route, so nothing particularly off the beaten track.  ManpanionTM also had the added experience of an airhorn situated next to his right ear that his trishaw driver would honk occasionally at the traffic – so he was fairly relieved when it was all over!

We were dropped back off at the ferry terminal well in advance of our departure time, so we had to hang around for almost an hour, which was a bit of a pain.  When we got back to the train – surprise!  It was time to eat again, so we headed off for lunch (where we met a nice couple of ladies, so had a fun chat) and then retired back to our cabin.  There was the option to get off the train at a stop called Ipoh and explore the town for an hour, but ManpanionTM and I were feeling very lethargic, so we opted to stay onboard and nap instead.

And, just like that, it was time for our last evening and the final celebratory dinner from the Michelin-starred chefs.  Prior to dinner, there was a special cocktail hour in the bar car, featuring a guest bartender (surprisingly, she was not described as a “mixologist”) shaking up some specially designed cocktails.  I had the Roses and Lychee one which was quite nice tasting – but it was somewhat spoiled by this pink sheet of gum (best way I can describe it) that decorated the drink.  You were supposed to eat it – which I did – and then spent the next 15 minutes picking it out of my teeth!  ManpanionTM’s drink was garnished with a chocolate bonbon.  Again, sounds good in theory – but have a quick think about what a chocolate bonbon is going to start to look like after having sat inside a cocktail-filled glass for a while.  What do you think a slightly furry brown nugget floating around in the bottom of your drink is going to remind you of?  And I think that kind of illustrated to me perhaps the challenge I’d been having with this whole gastro-themed experience.  While I understand the desire to be fancy and to push the boundaries (the trip was called “Tastes of Tomorrow”), at the end of the day, the experience of the diner should still be the main priority.  Will this taste good?  Is this actually easy for the diner to eat (or drink)?  These priorities should supersede the “does it look good?” or whether the chef feels fly for having used a certain genetically-challenged ingredient.  (I did warn you this post would be full of FWP – first world problems!).  Of course, it is entirely conceivable that my palette simply isn’t sophisticated enough to enjoy some of these more challenging flavors, but I know for sure I should be tasting the food more than I’m tasting the chef’s ego.

Anyway, the finale dinner was 6 courses long and, as it hadn’t started until 8pm due to the special cocktail hour, it was already 10pm by the time the Wagyu beef (course 4) arrived.  Both ManpanionTM and I were flagging – and we were not the only ones, as several tables left before the end of the meal.  I did feel a bit bad about it, but we also excused ourselves at course 5 and waddled back to our cabin, for a last night’s rattling sleep.

So… my thoughts overall.  While the train was beautiful and the staff and crew were very friendly, it just didn’t knock it out of the park for me like the Royal Scotsman or the Golden Eagle.  Maybe it was the accumulated minor physical discomforts (the noise, the AC, the rattling and jerking of the train) or the monotony of the Malaysian landscape (palm oil trees, palm oil trees, palm oils trees) that led us to feeling rather bored during the long afternoons on the train (when we weren’t occupied with eating something).  Maybe it was the residual jetlag that sapped our energy and made everything feel a little bit harder than it should – or maybe it was simply too much rich food and drink and not enough exercise or movement.  Whatever the reason, I’ll be honest and say there was a bit of relief when it was time to disembark.  We were both looking forward to sleeping in a proper bed, with decent AC and that would not jerk you awake several times during the night.  We both had the feeling of “now our holiday really starts” which is daft, but it reflects how we felt!   Do I regret our trip on the EOE?  Not at all.  Would I do it again?  Probably not.  We agreed that this officially has Scratched Our Itch for fancy train trips for a while – so now, blogwatchers, its time for us to fly to Bali and find out instead if we are Yacht People!!  We have 2 nights at the Apurva Kempinksi hotel, about 40mins from the airport, before we then board the Aqua Blu yacht for a week’s sailing round the Indonesian archipelago.

See you on deck!!