****Just Sitting on the Quack of the Bay***

Meet Puff Ducky

Although I guess getting him out of the box to admire him and offer him some green tea probably wasn’t the smartest move in a vegan restaurant.

PH’s, P of Double D and P.Ducky excited for their day out!

Anyway, after a delightful lunch with Karen and Jeff (her BF with an almost Rainmanian memory for people’s faces), it was time to head off home to prepare for the other main event of the day – the Ripping of the Duck Tape.  As you already know, simply affixing a length of duck tape to my arm and ripping it off (as to fulfill the Evil Genius Thomas’s forfeit) would be WAAAAY too boring, so instead, I will be performing said forfeit whilst Riding the Ducks and while wearing fabulous duck-themed gear.  As so it came to pass that, on Sunday, I left the house wearing a large maroon t-shirt with a picture of duck taped down with duck tape and the witting caption “Duck Tape” underneath it and my (previously owned) floppy hat from DuckWalk Vineyards in the Hamptons.  And – as you do, I would be also accompanied by a large Potato of Destiny and Despair, filled with forfeits, Mr & Mrs Potato Head, dressed to the nines and in their full splash protective gear as well as a reel of Duck Tape and a pair of scissors.  Just another regular Sunday afternoon.

The P of Double D suddenly becomes aware of his arm length

I’d decided to cycle over to Fisherman’s Wharf, where the Duck Tours leave from and my tour started at 5pm, so around 4pm, I left the house to casually bike over there.  Because of the somewhat cumbersome nature of my cargo, I’d had to stuff them into my blue gym shoulder bag, rather than the Camelbak rucksack I usually wear when I’m biking.  No problem, I thought, I’ll just sling them over my shoulder and away we go.  MISTAKE!!  Lesson 1 – don’t ever try and ride a bike while trying to balance a shoulder bag – its almost impossible.  It kept slipping round the front, bashing into my legs and generally being incredibly annoying.  I did have the realization as I struggled my way along the Embarcadero that I was probably the only person ever in history to be cycling along on a Sunday afternoon, fighting with a bag full of Potato Heads, on my way to go and rip Duck Tape off my arm on a Duck Tour.  I also wondered whether instead I really should be seeking medical and psychiatric assistance.   In the end, the bag and I came to a mutual understanding, and so it swung petulantly from my bikes handlebars, only occasionally bashing into the front wheel with a worrying squeak.

The PH’s choice of rain wear impedes their driving ability

After 40mins of this nonsense and battling my way through increasingly thick throngs of tourists (don’t these people know I’m on a mission here!!  Outta my way!), I arrived at Jefferson and Taylor, right slap bang in the heart of Fisherman’s Wharf.  I parked the bike up, locking it round a street sign that I estimated to be tall enough to deter any thieves from trying to pinch it off, and signed in for the tour.

Now, I have actually done this tour before, only about 6 months ago so I consider myself a bit of a Duck Tour aficionado, thus enabling me to talk sagely to the family waiting on line in front of me about the proportion of land time vs aquatic time.  I felt very knowledgeable.

I sat right up front, just behind and to the right of the driver seat.  I had gotten there a little early, so I had plenty of time for an impromptu Potato Head photo shoot, where the P of Double D was all for taking the Duck out on a spin all by himself.   But instead, the rest of the PH’s joined him and had a whale of a time playing around in the cabin before Captain John boarded and booted them all out.  But there was time for one last picture, a group shot, before we all had to buckle up and head on out.

Ready for Duck Action!! Or medication…

After all that excitement, I settled down to enjoy the ride and looked round the Duck to check out my fellow passengers.  Funnily enough, no one else seemed to be accompanied by a bright orange plastic vegetable.  Even more strangely, the Duck was completely full – except for the 2 rows of seats directly behind me.  Hmm…. I wonder why?

Anyway, enough introspection, we were off!!  Our route first took us through Fisherman’s Wharf and Ghirardhelli Square (yep, where they make the chocolate!) before heading out into North Beach.  This was almost exactly the same route from yesterday with the Fire Truck Tour (yes, another blog I owe you) and – fun fact of the day – did you know that air conditioning was invented in San Francisco for the express purpose of making chocolate?  Now, I don’t know if Captain John was feeding us a line or not (similar to how the punting folk used to tell tourists on the River Cam that St John’s College was a pie factory and other nonsense) but it sounded improbable enough to probably be true.  From North Beach, straight into Chinatown where ducks abounded.  All be it with rather less bounding, and rather more turning and spitting.

Our route then took us through the Financial District, down into SOMA and past my house (hello!), before heading out to the water and SPLASHDOWN!!  We were “sailing” or chugging or Ducking in McCovey bay, which is directly behind AT&T Ballpark and where folk in kayaks like to hang out when there’s a game on, in case someone literally knocks the ball out of the park – and into the water, where they’d scoop up the ball.  Sounds a bit unlikely, but it has happened about 70 or so times since the stadium was built back in 2000*.   We ducked our way pass a couple of enormous ships – apparently deployed last as supply vessels in Afghanistan back in 2004 and, impressively, apparently ready for action in just four days.  Don’t want to think about how much it costs to fill that tank.

Sister Duck quacking along the bay

Just cruisin’.  Me and my tuber.

After about 20mins Ducking about, it was time to head back. This time, it was a straight shot up the Embarcadero (again passing my house – hello!) and so we were back in no time.  P of Double D got into the music big time on the way back and even broke out the quacker, so i’m sure he’ll be totally fried when I get him home later.  You’ve not lived until you’ve heard a giant Mr Potato Head quack his way through “Don’t Stop Believing”.  Truly magical.

Potato and quacker in perfect harmony

But, all too soon, we were back at Duck Central and all there was left to do was finally fulfill my forfeit.  Here’s how it went down:

Captain John has a good old rummage in my potato

Before selecting a forfeit and placing it in An Envelope That Shall Be Sealed

The not-unattractive Captain John sealing Said Envelope

And signing on the back to make sure the envelope remains unopened (and no – he’s not writing down his number  – alas)

Before the Finale of the Day – the Ripping Off of the Duck Tape

* disclaimer: all facts and figures may not be 100% accurate.  Ensure adequate fact-checking before using said information in the $250,0000 round of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?